Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
