Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
MIDGETS
????
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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