She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
