Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
