FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
