everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
