I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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