Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
