doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
His nipple licking is glorious
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