the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
