Cold hands, warm shart.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
