No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
