and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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