doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
