Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
