my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
