I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
