I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
