Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
