It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
