she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
