small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
