my mouth tastes like poor choices
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
