WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
