If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If that was your dad, he is hot
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
