I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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