everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
