and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
