I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
