Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
