Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Boobs speak an international language.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
