there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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