Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
