My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
