Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
