i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
