tonight lets celebrate not being married
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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