You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
