CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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