he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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