Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
