I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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