why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
