i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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