Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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