Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
