I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
