so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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