there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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