Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
