I will die if light touches me.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
