Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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