Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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